With the exception of thinking Chris Martin is dreamy... I mean, he has the trifecta: cute, perfect accent and hello, Coldplay... I really did not pay much attention to the power couple that is (was) Gwyneth and Chris. I know she's been criticized and ridiculed for her homemaking books and blog, but I really don't mind her. And I love Chris... did I mention that already?
So today when the digital universe was buzzing with news of their split, I wasn't heartbroken, but was a little surprised since they seemed to have beaten the celebrity odds of short marriages. Of course I clicked the link to the announcement (traffic to the page caused the site to crash earlier today), posted of course on her blog. It did strike me as a little odd. I don't understand how you can "love each other very much" and be "closer that we have ever been" but not want to remain married... Sure, they may still care about each other, but I would not define being in love with someone as wanting to separate from them. To each their own I guess.
Anyway, the part that really disturbed me was not the message from Gwyneth, but rather the article that she shared below by Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami. I'll be honest, I didn't read it all, but this section jumped out and terrified me:
Until Death Do Us Part
During the upper Paleolithic period of human history (roughly 50,000BC to 10,000BC) the average human life expectancy at birth was 33.[i] By 1900, U.S. life expectancy was only 46 for men, and 48 for women. Today, it’s 76 and 81 respectively.[ii] During the 52,000 years between our Paleolithic ancestors and the dawn of the 20th Century, life expectancy rose just 15 years. In the last 114 years, it’s increased by 43 years for men, and 48 years for women.
What does this have to do with divorce rates? For the vast majority of history, humans lived relatively short lives—and accordingly, they weren’t in relationships with the same person for 25 to 50 years. Modern society adheres to the concept that marriage should be lifelong; but when we’re living three lifetimes compared to early humans, perhaps we need to redefine the construct. Social research suggests that because we’re living so long, most people will have two or three significant long-term relationships in their lifetime.
So um. Pardon me? Because we're living longer, I should give up on the hopes of finding someone that I can spend the majority of my adult life with? At first I felt like with two paragraphs, they had completely de-romanticized love and relationships... but then I started thinking that they might have a point. Maybe it's unrealistic to think that you will forever love and want to be with someone you met when were were twenty-two.
But I want to believe! I want to look forward to the fact that at some point, I'm going to find someone that is just as crazy about me as I am about them. I might even be okay with being the one that loves the most.
I want to someday be an awesomely embarrassing parent with my other half, like this:
...And I don't want to have to assume that at some point, we'll undoubtably grow tired of each other after too much time together and decide to "consciously uncouple".
Is that really too much to ask?!
Honestly, I'd rather be purposefully decoupled now than divorced later. At a time in my life when it seems like everyone my age is getting engaged, married and starting families, I'm okay with waiting a bit for the right person. I also think your mid-twenties is a good time to be self-loving and focus on you: career, travel, happiness, you name it. Kudos to you twenty-somethings that have found your person; I'm just not there yet!
So what so you guys think? Because we're living longer, is it totally insane to think that we can meet someone, marry them, and stay in love 'til death do us part? Is the ceremony of marriage an outdated tradition? Could you spend your life with someone without ever getting married?
Also, you've gotta Goop-ify your love life to see what crazy title Gwyneth would give your love life. Post your Goop-ed relationship status in the comments below!
xo Emily
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